Raising children is not an easy task. It is not enough that two people are married and having sex, and having all the necessary conditions to conceive a child during that sex. In order to have children, the parents need to prepare for it. Not only physically and mentally, but socially and economically, it is good for children to raise children only if they are ready for that task.
Now let's say that you have a child after spending all that money. But still not enough. When raising a child, it requires knowledge. For example, if someone knows a parent only to spank or scold the child for doing something wrong without knowing it, then one child will not be brought up. So we are going to talk about some of the mistakes parents make when raising children. The problem is that the whole society thinks that many of these mistakes are made because of the love for children.
01. Loss of sense of privacy
What are the privacy limits between parents and children in a Sri Lankan household? nothing From childhood to adulthood, even if a letter comes in a child's name, mother should break it. Let's say it's okay to do that when you can't pick up a letter and read it. But even at the age of high school, even at the age of going to the university, even at the age of getting a job, the letters coming to the children's names mean that parents are looking at them, that is not love. It is an invasion of privacy.
Similarly, in many homes in Sri Lanka, even for a child who is approaching adulthood, there is no such custom unless the parents break into the room and come knocking. There is no time to know all the details.
By doing this from an early age, parents send a signal to the child that such invasion of privacy is okay. The worst thing is that most people in the society believe that parents violate the child's privacy in this way to save the child from unnecessary problems and to protect the child from bad things. Because of the love for the child. But then the child does not learn the limits of privacy even as an adult.
02. Practicing stereotypes
We have already talked about stereotypes or stereotyping in any society. Negative stereotypes are really the only problem in society. Then, by promoting this type of stereotyping in front of the children, from the parents in the homes, the children also carry those bad habits to the next generation. Many examples can be given for this. Sometimes, when there are brothers and sisters in the house, the opinion is formed in some houses that because the brother is a man, he does not have to learn housework, but because the sister is a girl, he has to learn housework, do housework, and even do his brother's work. Working for love is one thing. But it is another thing to put the stereotype that girls come to do housework from childhood.
Then you, the man next door is like this, the man in the small house is like this, those people are like this, the three-wheelers are like this, we should respect anyone's age, we should accept whatever an elder says without questioning. Such stereotyping, mothers and fathers unknowingly inculcate in children's minds through everyday conversations and work. Then the children carry those stereotypes to the next generation.
03. Not practicing skills
This is a problem we see in today's society. Most of the elderly people in society do not have the skills they need to survive. That means, imagine how many of the people living around us in today's society can cook? As far as the male side is concerned, the amount of skill like cooking is alarmingly low. But nowadays, if we take women, not enough of them have this skill. But being able to cook is a basic skill that every person should have. If taken then, the basic skills to maintain a house, a door, a garden and a field. Keeping your house door and carpet clean is a basic skill you should have. If a bulb at home burns out like that, do you need to call an electrician to fix it? Then decision-making and problem-solving skills. These are the basic skills needed in everyday life.
Now these things do not come naturally to a person. Basic training should be done at home. Parents should be responsible for that. This matter is related to the next talking point. So if the children are raised without training the basic skills necessary for life, it is a mistake on the part of the parents.
04. Babysitting children
This is also related to the above point in a way. This is how If you are raising children, you don't want to send them to an army camp from a young age, or work like an army camp at home. But parents need to know, don't treat the children like babies who have no feet in the real world. Because parents don't have a lifetime to do everything for their children. Children have to step into the real world on their own at some point. And then the babies have to face the world's problems.
Let's take two examples. Now imagine raising a girl child, not even a man will see eye to eye, until she is 27 or 28 years old, she goes out and goes with her mother wherever she goes. Will a child like this be able to grow up and have a family with a man? After leaving, would it be possible to go to the market alone and get some vegetables? A child who is kept in the corner of the house like that, does not even know about the dangers of the real world. Then such a child is more likely to fall victim to the dangers of the real world. Another example. Let's think about a boy whose mother worked at home until his late twenties. Now this boy, after getting married like that, does the married lady want to do the chores like that mother did? Will you do that? We have heard so many stories of mothers losing their lives to their sons who raised babies like that. That's why we tell parents not to make this mistake.
05. Giving children what they ask for
In some families, we see that parents show love to their children by doing what the children say and giving what they ask for. But is this really love? Even research shows that the mental strength and self-discipline skills of children who take what they ask for are at a very low level. Just think. Will it be possible for the children who are spoiled by their mothers to buy what they ask for, do what they are told to do, and live like that even after setting foot in the real world? That's why, what parents should do is not to buy what they ask for, but to buy only what the children want. It is taught from childhood that if you want something, you have to work to get it. That means, even by buying gifts for children when they feel like it, they lose their value. But children, when they do a task successfully, when they receive something as an appreciation for it, they feel its value more.
06. Finding shortcuts to work with children
This is also a mistake made by many parents nowadays. One of the things we said when we first started is that, while it is easy to raise children, it is not easy to raise them properly. Looking for easy ways can be a mistake for your life and the life of your children. Let's take for example, most of the times nowadays, parents use technological devices to feed their children and keep them aside. They leave their smartphone or tab or a cartoon or something and give it to the children. It's an easy way. But can children be addicted to a digital screen from a young age, do not learn other skills, and do not get used to book after book, can it be compared with that ease?
07. Neglecting oneself and treating children
Let's say we were well taken care of when we were young. That means exercising on time, going somewhere once a month and having fun, buying a nice dress or two once in a while, even when I'm at home, I dress and live properly. After that, they get married and have children. Now and then, especially for mothers, the whole time is spent on children's work. Little by little those habits are disappearing. Wearing the same clothes for days. I don't remember a time when I bought something for myself, I don't remember a time when I went out. There are some mothers with older children who do not go anywhere because they think that if they go somewhere, the children will starve. Living like that is not love for children. It also harms itself. And it also harms children. When children grow up, parents need to get used to leaving them. When children become adults, they become adults like their parents. Then the parents should stop encroaching on their freedom and sacrificing their lives for their older children. Apart from the life of the children, you have to remember that you have a life too.