What does it mean to be offended? It means accepting something we do, something we say, or our behavior as a mistake and resenting it. Let us understand it with an example. We said I was black. Now here is a friend in the office, in front of others, he is making fun of my body color. Let's say he says, "I'm ugly because my skin color is black, and I shouldn't be sent to any event in the office because of that." Now can we accept this as a simple and innocent joke? can't What he is really doing there is trying to marginalize us based on the color of our skin. In such a thing, we are offended and we need to express that we are offended. Because it's clearly wrong.
But nowadays we see that people are offended even in places where there is no need to be offended. Let's understand that too with an example. Here is a man who works in an office and always comes late to the office. Where this cannot be done, the boss calls this man and says, "This cannot be done in this way, there is a fixed time to come to the office, if you are this week, you must come on time, otherwise we will have to make a decision about you." Now this man is offended for saying that. Now, should the boss be afraid of being offended because this employee was offended by pointing out a mistake of this employee? not. We are going to talk about what to do in such a place and what to do before such a person takes any offense.
01. Understand the things one should be offended by
If we want to understand how fair or unfair it is to be offended because of the way someone says or behaves, we must first understand that there are things in this world where one should be offended. We showed an example of that in the introduction. If we behave in such a way that someone is harassed, hurt, prejudiced or marginalized, if we say something or do something, we have the right to offend someone. But it should be a reasonable reason. For example, if someone insults my country, it is a matter of being offended. But if someone says that my favorite actor can't act, it's his right to express his personal opinion, and I'm not offended. When you understand that difference, you can understand whether someone is offended for a reasonable reason or for something that makes no sense.
02. Apologize where you need to apologize
This applies to anything. That is, if we make a mistake, we should apologize for it. Here, according to the point we have mentioned above, we need to understand that whether we are joking or saying something that should really offend someone is right. If we have made a mistake, if something we said as a joke actually offends someone, we should apologize immediately without justifying it. Say that it won't happen again. Make sure you don't do that again. Sometimes we think, what kind of bamboo is offended by such a thing. Even if we think so, if it is a basic offense as we said above, then we are wrong. Then we should be a person who can admit our mistake.
03. Don't just apologize
This matter is related to both points mentioned above. Now someone is offended by what we said. But what we said is not related to him. Not something that will harm him, or cause him to be ostracized or despised. In short, this is not something that a sane person would be offended by. Now then what do we do? Sometimes we may think that he is apologizing because he is offended even if it is not for a reasonable reason. He said that he apologized and did not walk away. But if we say something like that, for example, if we are offended by something like saying that we don't like the performance of his favorite actress, or that we hold an opinion against his opinion on something, then there is a problem of apologizing. There are What we are doing there is validating that person's behavior by saying that it is okay to be offended for no reason. Therefore, don't go to give an excuse to someone who is unfairly offended by a matter that does not need to be offended, and ask for forgiveness in such a place.
04. Use logic and facts
One way to deal with people who take offense for no real reason and pretend to be overly sensitive is to be rational. Ok let's explain this with an example. Let's say we are having a conversation. We logically break down the issues raised by a girl there. Now that boy is offended with us. She says we don't accept her opinion because she is a woman. And then we can go to the argument. We can ask if that means your opinion is correct. If you say yes, we can show with facts and evidence how that opinion is logically wrong. Now you can ask if your opinion is proven wrong, then logically your opinion is wrong because you are female. In this way, we can show that it makes no sense for him to be offended logically.
To take another example, let's say we have someone working under us in the office. But he does not complete the work. Then we give him a feedback that his work is not at the expected level. He is offended by that. Now we can show his work history with evidence. We have handed over this work to him and told him to complete it within two days. Even though he was gone for five days, this is the amount he handed over to us. That is half the work. When he points out with facts and evidence that his work is flawed, sometimes he himself realizes that he has been offended by pointing out his own mistake.
05. Be careful how you say something
This is also an important point. Sometimes someone is offended by something you say, not because of what you said there. It's about how you said it. It is very possible. Let us understand this with an example. You are a boss. You say in an office meeting that it is essential to complete the given work within the stipulated time. You ask, "Do you understand Sampath, Shereen?" You say their names, because they are the first ones that catch your eye. But these two are offended, thinking that the way you said it means that they don't complete the work given within the stipulated time. Do you understand that even if it is a completely valid matter, someone can be offended by the way you say it? That's why before we say something, we should think about whether what we say is properly communicated.
06. Emotional Intelligence
When we work with other people, this is a quality we must have. That means emotional intelligence or emotional intelligence. This means the ability to manage one's own emotions, the ability to recognize the emotions of others, and the ability to work with others. In short, in any matter involving another person, we can put ourselves in that person's shoes and think about it. If this is the case, most of the time we don't say or do things that hurt someone's heart. Then we will be able to work carefully even with someone who is easily offended. It does not mean that we give validation to someone who is easily offended, regarding his weakness. But when we work with such a person with spiritual intelligence, we can reduce the occurrence of problems.
07. Don't fall for the bait
Do not argue with a person who is easily offended. If it is related to the job or an official function like that, or if it is a problem that needs to be solved, we can try to solve it using logic and facts as mentioned in the fourth point. If it's not like that, don't argue because of your ego and show that you are right. If the person who is easily offended is not an essential friend, it is easier to let go of the friendship than to walk on eggshells. Instead, we also get into arguments, get into fights, and are easily offended people. Don't fall for that bait. It is good for the body to stay away from a conversation or an argument that does not go anywhere and does not end logically.
One more thing. Many people say that it is a problem of the new generation to be offended by small things and unnecessary things. Do you think so? Share your opinion about it in a comment.